hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
