the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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