seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
