If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
