i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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