I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
home. puking in laundry basket.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
