I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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