ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
