I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
