Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
