as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
