my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
