flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
