The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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