I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
