there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
