Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
