Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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