one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I looked at my own cervix.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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