I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
