I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
