Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
