I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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