Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
