I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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