if only i could text you this smell
Come see our sink grown plant.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
