and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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