Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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