You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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