I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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