You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
