If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
