his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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