I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
