The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
