I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
