using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
