I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
