if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
