I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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