I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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