that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
