i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
