just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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