It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
