I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
