ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
