Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
