he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
