i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
